The Secret Key: Why Saying Bonjour in France Matters

Don’t let this simple word fool you. Bonjour is more than a greeting—it’s the secret key to daily interactions in France. If you understand and follow this one small rule, it can instantly transform your experience. The French aren’t rude; they are incredibly polite, and this emphasis on politeness begins with bonjour.

Bonjour: The Tiny Word That Opens Doors

You need to begin with an acknowledgment and greeting in the form of “Bonjour.” Adding madame or monsieur adds an extra level of respect. It’s not just about formality, but about signaling that you see and acknowledge the person in front of you. The same goes for anyone you interact with, whether it’s the maître d’ of a Michelin-starred restaurant or your cab driver. Omitting this single word can make you unintentionally come across as the rude one.

Why Americans and the French Misread Each Other

Americans tend to show politeness through friendliness, but this can come across as insincere to a stranger. Why? Adopting a smile, taking a warm-sounding, easygoing tone, and asking “How are you?” feels natural to us, but it can come across as inauthentic (or even intrusive) in other countries when you are addressing someone you do not know. In the US, asking how someone is and them replying and returning the question is a standard exchange. But in France, you generally should not ask this of a stranger. It’s best reserved for someone you know and for whom the question would be seen as more genuine.

The same goes for smiling for no reason. For Americans, putting on a smile before interacting with someone is like wagging our tails and showing that we are friendly or mean well. But in some cultures, smiling too broadly or too quickly in such interactions can seem out of place, or as if we are trying to sell ourselves in a phony way. It’s considered more meaningful to smile when you are genuinely happy, pleased, or amused. It’s not that French people don’t smile—they certainly do. Smiles simply tend to arise more naturally, as a response to genuine emotion. For example, France is a very dog-friendly culture, so we often receive smiles from strangers when walking our two cute dogs.

When should you say Bonjour?

It’s also best to be the first to say bonjour when you enter someone’s business. This tends to be the opposite in the US (where the customer expects to be treated as king), but in France it’s seen as a sign of respect for the person entering to initiate the greeting. Enter, make eye contact, and say bonjour. Say bonjour again when interacting with any additional staff. French people even tend to bonjour and au revoir strangers when entering and leaving a waiting room. Another tip: you only need to say bonjour once to the same person within the same day in the same setting. If you see them twice in the day, you can give a friendly nod of acknowledgement or say “rebonjour” (essentially “bonjour again”), or bonsoir if it’s later in the day. If you slip up and say it twice, don’t stress. Better safe than sorry if you’ve forgotten if you’ve said it, or aren’t sure if it’s the same person.

You are not excused

Another mistake tourists make is thinking that “Excusez-moi” (excuse me) to get someone’s attention (asking someone for directions, getting a sales clerk’s attention, etc) is sufficient. In the US, that is a perfectly polite way to do so. But in France, you should preface this with Bonjour. Leaving this out can come across as blunt. You are much more likely to have your request received positively if you begin with a greeting.

when do I say bonsoir (good evening) instead?

Bonjour can generally be used until sunset, although in some regions they might switch over to bonsoir at around 5 p.m. Don’t feel stupid if you say bonjour and they say bonsoir (or vice versa) during this transition period. This happens all the time amongst French people themselves, especially in the summer when the sun sets much later.

every beginning has an ending

In France, beginnings and endings are part of the etiquette. A proper closing can be as simple as “Merci, au revoir.” It is also polite and quite common to add in “Bonne journée” (or bonne soirée) to express “Have a good (rest of the) day/evening.” Sometimes in the afternoon you might hear “Bonne après-midi” (have a good afternoon) instead of bonne journée.

unlock a better experience

Once you get into the habit of using bonjour with everyone you interact with, you’ll notice a marked difference in how people respond. This small word signals that you see others, respect them, and understand their social rituals—an essential step toward true cultural fluency.